I'm Coming Home
by lionesseshuntbetterinpacks
Summary: Soldier Peeta Mellark has been sent over seas to fight for his country, a dream he has had since he was little. This dream requires him to leave his family behind including his very heavily pregnant wife Katniss who is due to give birth any day now, Katniss begins to struggle to cope with being a military wife and mom, but at also the possibility at being a widow at only 22 years.
1. Chapter 1

**Soldier Peeta Mellark has been deported to Iraq to help fight in the war, leaving a heavily pregnant Katniss alone.**

**I'm still writing on my other story, Never Shall I Forget, I just like having two fanfictions going on at once. I sometimes get bored writing one so I pick up with writing another. My uncle has been deported when my cousin was born like 13 years ago, and so my aunt was alone with a ninetenth year old baby and a new born, but she had my grandmother to help her. **

**This is also modern day, like in America (or whatever country you live in) type modern day. **

* * *

**Peeta.**

She doesn't know what is about to happen. Why should she? I didn't even expect it. I mean, I probably should have expected it when I signed the list saying I would be shipped off to war if needed too. They needed men, and being in the Military has been a goal of mine since I was a kid, I love working part time in my family's bakery, but I want to make a difference for our country. But why now? Why be deported now? Why when my 35 weeks pregnant wife is about to give birth very soon. In fact, at her last doctor's appointment, Dr. Drew had said the baby should be here any day in two more weeks. I remember that moment perfectly, Katniss and I both looked at each other and couldn't stop smiling knowing our daughter will soon be held safely in our arms.

I tread up the stairs after hanging up the phone, dreading the news I'll soon have to break to my wife, who has no idea what is about to hit her.

In the master bedroom, I can hear the shower still running. I imagine in my head how beautiful Katniss looks, with her long, wavy dark brown hair. Her stomach protrudes, at her 20 weeks mark she couldn't even see the tips of her toes, but yet the doctor stood by his word claiming there is only one baby inside, although several other women have commented that she could be carrying twins. The stretch marks that line all around. None of that matters, no matter how many stretch marks she has or how big she becomes, she's never been as beautiful as she is now. She practically is glowing, and the fact she is carrying my baby makes me smile dumbly at any given moment.

Over the water pouring into the shower, above it all I can still hear her beautiful voice singing. I can't make out what she's singing, but it sounds beautiful. I imagine the long nights when our daughter won't fall to sleep and Katniss sings to her and calm and soothe her down. I even sometimes fall asleep to Katniss singing to me. I only pray our unborn daughter has her singing voice and not my God-awful one. We haven't decided what to name her yet. Katniss wants to wait to name her when we meet her just to make sure her name properly fits her. My favorite name I have found so far is 'Haven', Haven Mellark. It has a ring to it, I haven't even proposed this name to Katniss yet.

I'm lost in my thoughts when Katniss opens the bathroom door with a thin towel wrapped around her body, the towel barely covers her butt as her stomach makes the towel expand to cover it.

"Enjoying the view?" Katniss asks in a sexy voice tone.

I quickly snap out of my thoughts and look up to her and once again dumbfound smile at her.

"The view has never looked better," I tease back.

I can't break the news to Katniss, her innocent laughter and smile is too much for me right now. The way her hair flows. I wonder if our daughter will have wavy dark brown hair like Katniss or if she will have light blonde hair like me.

Katniss walks, well wobbles, to our mahogany colored dresser where our night clothes are safely stored. She drops her towel and pulls one of my white t shirts over the top half of her body and pulling on one of my boxer shorts. I can only imagine what our first night home from the hospital would be like. That our daughter would be snuggled up against the both of us or if she would be in her cradle in her warm pink room I painted for her several months ago. The dark wood flooring with white paneling. Her pillows in the crib are all soon to be monogrammed, her comforter is almost like a quilt that had been sewed.

Katniss sits down on the right side of our king sized bed and swings her legs over so she can lay down. The past few weeks have been very uncomfortable for Katniss, having an ever growing baby bump. She used to wake up only two or three times to go to the bathroom, but now almost every thirty minutes she is getting up out of bed to use the bathroom or to shift sleeping positions and even on some occasions simple and sweet requests to make her some odd food she's craving.

We're both young parents, I just turned 23 in September and she is 22 turning 23 in May. We both married as soon as we graduated from high school. I haven't gone to college, I help run my family's bakery and obviously in the United States of America Military, something I have dreamed about doing my whole life, serving my country.

"What's wrong?" Katniss asks, once again stealing my attention away from my thoughts. She brings one of her hands to cradle on my cheeks. She makes sure to look at me directly in the eyes, this is how Katniss knows if I am lying to her in any way.

I sigh, "I need you to prepare yourself for this news," I tell her. Now it is this time I have both of my hands cradling her face, she brings up both of her hands to touch mine. I kiss her forehead before I start to talk. "Katniss, I'm being deported for Iraq next week."

She doesn't say a word. The room is dead silent. Katniss is quiet like a dead person would be. Tears prick in her reflective gray eyes, I wipe her tears almost as soon as the fall, not allowing them to slide down her rosy cheeks. "They can't do that," She chocks out in between her sobs.

"Shh," I comfort and pull her close to my body. As close as I can because her stomach adds so much distance between us, "I'll be back soon. I won't be over there for more than six months, I promise," I promise her that, even though I have no clue how long I'll be over there. As long as they keep needing men to fight I guess.

"You'll miss the birth of our daughter. Don't they know that?" She asks me, I see snot start to drip from her nose. She wipes the snot on the sleeve of my gray t shirt, I don't mind, knowing how scary this must all seem to her. Suddenly being asked to deliver a baby by herself. Katniss's dad died when she was eleven, during a mining accident. When she was fifteen and her sister Prim was eleven, she was crossing the street at a cross walk and a drunken driver hit her and killed her instantly. Her mother has completely checked out of this world, her mom moved in with her grandparents. With a newborn baby arriving very soon, Katniss's grandparents wouldn't exactly welcome her with open arms. And even my family, my two older brothers have moved away to California hoping to find success in acting. My dad likes Katniss, but would never tell her because my mother cannot stand her. My family doesn't even know she is pregnant, they'll be in for a real surprise when they find out. With really no family around to help, Katniss will raising our daughter almost by herself.

"There's nothing I can do about missing her birth." I tell her, "I'm positive on that part."

"Then what do you want to name her?" Katniss says, barely audible in her scratchy voice.

"I thought we weren't going to name her until we have seen her?" I ask confused.

She wipes her nose once again on my shirt, "Yeah, but you won't be there to name her with me."

"Haven, it means 'a place of safety'."

"I like it."

"Okay, you chose her middle name," I say and kiss the very tip of her nose.

"Faith. Haven Faith Mellark." She says stating our daughters new and official full name.

* * *

**Katniss**

Over the course of the next week, I am always at Peeta's side. We do everything together, cook breakfast, anything I could think of, we were doing it together. I help him pack his clothes and reorganize his closet to the way he likes it. We even picked out a name together.

At the last ultrasound appointment that Peeta will be able to attend is filled with tears. I couldn't stop crying knowing I'll truly face raising this baby alone. Peeta asked the ultrasound technician for printouts of the baby so he could keep them with him for as long as he could.

Tomorrow morning is the day he is officially deported. He will fly to Atlanta to receive his vaccines and spend the weekend there because the shots make you feel nauseous, then on Monday morning, his flight will leave to Iraq for who knows how long.

At the airport, bright and early. Many tears are spilled that day from multiple other couples. There are some young and old kids walking with their and I are the youngest couple there, and I'm the only pregnant one. All the men are dressed in he same camouflage uniform with the same type of duffle bag. I roll my fingers through Peeta's hair knowing that the military will make him shave it all off.

Peeta and I kiss passionately before he pulls away, he turns his back and hesitantly walking towards the plane, he turns around and his eyes are full of unspoken emotion. I think I can even see a reflection of tears staining his cheeks as well. This could be my last time seeing him for six months. I hate to think like that too.

* * *

The first week without Peeta was weird, Haven kept kicking and moving around. Her most favorite time to move was early in the mornings when I was trying to sleep. I have to force myself to eat anything, knowing that I am responsible for another life right now and not just my own. If I was just caring for myself, I probably would hardly eat anything.

Haven must know her father must no be around because whenever she would hear his voice she would flop and do whatever she does inside of me, kick against his touch when he touched my stomach. But sometimes, he is the only thing that can actually get her to stop kicking.

On my next doctor's appointment, two weeks after Josh had left, I was due for another ultrasound. My doctor kept giving me sympathetic faces, knowing my husband is gone and I'm all alone with this baby.

"Any day now Katniss, the baby could come. Any day." Dr. Drew said.

Any day now meant the baby is almost here, almost here.

* * *

About three days later, I begin to feel light pressure on my back. Dr. Drew had mentioned practice contractions that I would start to have. The practice contractions would be in no particular pattern while real contractions would be every so often so decreasing the time in between. I take an Advil for the contractions I've been getting.

My eyes flash open when I feel a wet sensation in my bed, I couldn't have peed myself, it was so much liquid for pee. As soon as I realize that my water just broke, a strong and powerful rips through my body, causing me to whimper in pain.

I grab the hospital bag that Peeta and I packed when I was six months pregnant, it has been laying in our closest floor ever since patiently awaiting the day for Haven's arrival.

Throughout the ride over to the hospital, the contractions continue to hit. I must force myself to stay focused on driving safely. I have Haven's little car seat set up, one of our neighbors put it together for me a few days ago.

The moonlight lights up the road ahead of me, there is no traffic on the highway. The stars shine bright like a diamond in the night sky, the highways like this in Kentucky are rare, especially in the suburbs right outside of Louisville like Josh and I live in.

I wabble back and forth to the front counter to check myself in, one of the reception ladies is quick to sit me down in a wheelchair, probably guessing my already weak knees were about ready to fold.

"So where is your husband?" The nurse asks me who is wheeling me to my delivery room.

I freeze in my breaths when she asks me that, bringing up painful memories like that, _be strong Katniss, be strong. _"He was deployed overseas a few weeks ago," I spit out.

"How old are you then?" She asks me. I'm not sure if she's asking me these questions to be polite or if she's trying to get me to get my mind off of thinking about Peeta, who should be here right now for his first child's birth.

"23."

"I wish you the best of luck then," The nurse kindly says than leaves me once I'm inside my delivery room where I am greeted by several other doctors, including the doctor who will deliver my baby, Dr. Drew.

I'm handed a thin, pink dress to change into for delivery. I do as I'm said and change clothes. I also put my hair high in a bun to keep my hair out of my face. I've always felt better when my hair was removed from my face.

"We need to hook you up on IV's and heart rate monitors," A nurse warns before stabbing a needle into my wrist. I wince at the pain, but make sure my brave face is on knowing how much more difficult and labor will be.

* * *

It takes me eleven hours to become fully dilated, and during that time, I always had a nurse by my side talking me through this as Peeta would have. Most nurses comfort their patients who have no one else with them inside the delivery room.

I ended up with the epidural, the pain became so intense I wanted to black out, the pain inserting the epidural was almost just as bad as the contractions were. But once it kicked in, I was able to sleep for a few hours with my whole lower body numb.

"Push one, two three, four," Dr. Drew keeps counting and I keep screaming. This baby is stubborn, Dr. Drew has had me trying to push from different angles, he's had me laying on my left and right side, and now I'm on my back trying to push as hard as I can.

I'm about ready to cry when I hear a baby's cries enter the room and our little girl is placed on top of my chest, still wailing. Her face is still very swollen and her body is still bloody. Once Haven is cleaned up and placed back on my chest is when I actually start to cry from tears of pain but yet so much happiness.

"You look so much like your dad right now," I describe to her, even though she has no clue what I'm talking about, "He wishes he could be here right now I bet." I kiss the top of her head which has blonde hair on top, the hair there is very thin, but yet it's still blonde.

About a hour of giving birth, one of the nurses teaches me how to breast feed, it's a weird sensation, but also welcoming. Knowing that I am developing that bond with my child. Peeta would love to be here right now. And I wish he was...

Because I had given in and got the epidural, I must stay in the hospital for three days for close evaluation. It's nice to have multiple hands wanting to help me with Haven, if Peeta were here, he would never let Haven out of his sight, whoever is near her, I make sure to eye her down carefully as in reminder not to hurt my daughter.

If only Peeta was here and we would be together...

**Like I said before, I like having multiple stories going at once, I often get bored and need to take a break but I feel bad about taking a break. I probably won't be able to update at all this week, I have final exams that I probably will fail, so three finger salute to me, especially during my chemistry and Spanish 2 exam. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's the next chapter. This story is really different to write, thanks for everyone who reviewed this story and liked/favorited it. There is no better feeling than getting that type of email.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Hunger Games, give credit to the respectful owners.**

The first week home from the hospital was stressful. Haven was generally calm, but if she was lonely or in any sort of discomfort, she would alert me with her high pitched cries. It took a while to adjust having a new baby at home, some nights I would be up with her the whole night holding her while she gently sleeps sucking on her thumb. While she sleeps in my arms I always look down at her, knowing that for her I must be strong and tell her every little thing about Peeta even if she can't understand me right now. Even though Peeta and I are very much together, I don't want her to be one of those kids who don't know their dads or don't live with them and who shuffles from houses weekly.

I haven't been able to talk to Peeta yet, he hasn't had the chance to video chat with me, I know the second he lays eyes on Haven, he'll fall in love with her like I did. He'll be a goner for her once he gets home, never wanting to let her go or out of his sight. She'll have him wrapped around her finger within minutes of meeting each other.

It is also pretty hard figuring out what Haven likes best. When is the best time to put her down for a nap? Or the position she likes to sleep in. A while back when we first found out we were having a baby girl, Peeta and I painted her a beautiful bedroom for a baby girl, with matching furniture sets and everything. I haven't had the heart to make Haven sleep in her crib across the hall by herself, she's sleeping with me for my sake more than her own. With Haven safely held in my arms at night, I know at least I have a living thing of Peeta with me. I get up multiple times during the night to breast feed her, which becomes exaughsting. But breastfeeding will save us a lot of money instead of buying over priced formula.

* * *

Before I know it, snow begins to routinely fall and Christmas approaches before I know it. It's just Haven and I. I manage to put a bare minimum of Christmas lights on outside our house and inside our house. To make Haven's first Christmas a little more special, we buy our own real tree, like Peeta and I always did.

It feels lonely that there is no other family we both could spend Christmas with, just the two of us. Haven won't remember this Christmas when she is eleven years old. I try to make it as special as possible, but without her father here, it's hard keeping up the Christmas spirit.

One of our neighbors, who live across the street from us, they have three young kids, invited Haven and I to spend Christmas with them so we won't have to be alone. Lauren and Mason, our neighbors, have a 7 year old boy, Jayden, a five year old boy, Blaine and a one year old daughter, Olivia. Her husband, used to be in the Army, but after he lost his leg in an explosion he retired. He recently found a new career as a doctor.

I graciously accept her offer because I don't want to spend Christmas alone.

I'm not sure on whether or not I should arrive with gifts or not, Lauren wasn't clear on that. I decide to do some last minute Christmas shopping for the Owens family. I buy Lauren and her husband Mason a set of Christmas tree ornaments, I buy Jayden and Blaine a remote control truck and I bought Olivia a set of warm winter clothes even though I'm sure she has more than enough.

On Christmas Morning, it doesn't feel like Christmas not without Peeta. He isn't there for the both of us to cook breakfast together or to open gifts together and watching classic Christmas movies together. If I wasn't spending Christmas with the Owens today, I would truly feel alone. I dress Haven in a Mrs. Clause outfit that Peeta and I bought when we found out my due date was incredibly close to Christmas along with a matching Santa bow. Haven's blonde short strands of hair barely peak out from underneath the large bow that almost takes up her whole head. I'm not a big fan of bows on newborn baby girls, but Haven looks adorable with it on.

At around 11, I show Haven the gifts I bought her, she doesn't take interest in them. She shows a small baby smile, the ends of her lips curling upwards as she looks up at me, her smile similar to Peeta's but also similar to mine. A perfect combination of both. I bought her some toys she will like when she gets a little bit older, when she starts to crawl, and some more clothes, added to the many she already has.

At 12, I gently place Haven in her baby carrier, wrapping her in layers of blankets although we won't be outside for more than five minutes. In the other hand I have the gifts I bought for the Owens' family. I walk across the street looking all around at all the families outside playing in the snow together. The last layer of snow fell early this morning. Several families are organizing a snowball fight or building snow mans or igloos. Doing something together as a family. If Peeta were here, all three of us would be doing something fun, making memories.

I let out a deep breath, wondering what Peeta is doing right now. If he's in Iraq or if he is still in Georgia recovering from his shots. Wherever he is, I pray for his safety. Do they even celebrate Christmas over seas? Do they receive any gifts?

When I arrive at the Owens, I knock on the door, I can hear the chaos going on inside, I'm thankful I only have one kid right now. Lauren opens the door with Olivia balanced on her right hip. Olivia is dressed in a matching Mrs. Clause outfit, Jayden and Blaine are yelling and screaming while playing with new action figures 'Santa' brought for them.

"Katniss, I'm so happy you and Haven made it," She says smiling showing off her white and straight teeth. She opens her one free arm and gives me a hug. It's an awkward hug, with both of us holding a baby and my other hand holding the presents I brought with me. Lauren looks down at one hand where I am carrying a baby carrier that contains Haven and the other that has presents. "Oh you didn't have to bring presents, we just didn't want you spending Christmas alone," Exclaims Lauren, she opens the door wider inviting me in.

"I wanted to," I reply back to her, "As a 'thank you' for inviting me to spend Christmas with you guys." I place the presents down by the other gifts under the Christmas tree. Their house is fairly similar to mine and Peeta's. With having a 5 bedroom and 2.5 bathroom, the layout is fairly similar too. Dark hardwood floors spread around throughout most of their house as do ours.

Mason is busy cooking a turkey for dinner. "Hey Katniss," He says while hovering over the stove making sure the perfect amount of spices is on the turkey.

"Hi," I reply. Mason has caramel colored hair and blue eyes. He's pretty tall and well built. When Lauren found out that he had been injured over seas, Peeta and I had just moved in the neighborhood but we helped take care of their two boys who were still really young at the time. Peeta and I watched them while Lauren was busy making trips to the hospital and phone calls to family and friends. Ever since then, we have been family friends. Lauren was the one who helped me some when I first arrived home from the hospital with Haven, teaching me the bare basics. When Mason was deployed, Jayden and Blaine had already been born. So Lauren never experienced delivering a baby alone.

All three kids resemble their father more than their mother, but without a doubt that Olivia is more like her mom personality wise.

I take Haven out of her baby carrier and place her on my lap, her back leaning up against my chest. "She looks just like Peeta," Mason comments.

"I know." I smile, knowing how big that compliment is, "She's lucky she looks more like him than me."

We eat Christmas dinner before we open presents, but before we eat, Lauren is the one who says the prayer, "Dear Lord, we thank you for today and for your blessing that allows us to afford this wonderful food cooked and the presents we are able to share. We also thank you for allowing us to invite Katniss and her daughter Haven over to celebrate today. We also ask for you to keep a watchful eye on Peeta while he is away fighting for our country. In Jesus name we pray. Amen."

"Amen." We all repeat together.

I wipe a lone tear in the corner of my eye realizing that this is all real, the very danger of Peeta being in Iraq is very real. Lauren smiles at me and I try my best to smile back at her. She knows how hard it is, being a military wife with a newly born baby.

Dinner is a very lively conversation thanks to Jayden and Blaine talking about their new toys, I placed Haven down for a nap in Olivia's bed upstairs. Olivia is in her high chair making baby talk to herself. She often smiles and laughs at the simplest things.

After dinner and some desert, I wake Haven up so all of us can be downstairs to open up presents. Blaine and Jayden are practically bouncing up and down waiting for their presents. I remember when I was younger, the hype about getting the new toys. Although Blaine and Jayden are excited about their toys, they are also very polite. They kindly thank me for the presents I bought for them.

"We have a few last presents, and that is for Katniss and Haven," I smile when Lauren walks over with the gifts her family has gotten me. I open it and realize it's a yellow ribbon. I bring my hands up to my mouth in realization about it.

"You tie it around a tree in the front yard," Lauren says and wraps one of her arms around me, "it's to let people know you have a loved one in Iraq." I nod and hug her tight, I release a few tears from my eyes and she is quick to wipe them.

"It's okay," Lauren comforts.

"I know, it's hard to think about if something goes wrong and he dies, Haven will have never met her dad," I'm crying harder now, Haven who is sound asleep in my lap. I'm being hugged by Lauren and Mason, but also by their three kids, hugging my legs. I smile a wipe the remains of my tears.

On my way out, I'm given many different leftovers from the dinner. Mason insists I take some knowing that they all can't eat that much leftover food. I graciously accept knowing that it will be easier for meals.

I make sure on the way inside, I tie the yellow ribbon around the oak tree in the front yard.

* * *

A week after Christmas, I still haven't received any skype requests from Peeta, and that starts to worry me that something bad has happened. On a chilly Tuesday in early January, I finally receive the contact from Peeta I have been waiting for. Instead of running inside the house to read it, I stay out by the mailbox to read.

_Dear Katniss, _

_I'm sorry I haven't been able to Skype, the shots and medication I was put on made me feel nauseous, it was difficult to do anything but sleep. I'm writing this letter while I'm on the plane ride over to Iraq, so you might get this a few weeks late. Sorry about that. I can only imagine how beautiful Haven is, I hope she looks just like you. Could you describe her to me? Who does she look like more? What's her hair and eye color? I'm so incredibly sorry to have left you to raise OUR baby yourself, that isn't fair to you or to me. I hope I'm going to be able to come home soon. I don't know how soon is soon though. I'm being deported with a great group of guys. We're all scared and nervous at the same time. We're praying for the best, but expecting the worst. The dog tags around my neck make this whole situation more scary and real. But I promise I'll fight for you and Haven. Try not to worry, I'm going to make it home. I promise. I love you both more than you can ever know. Make sure you ask Lauren and Mason if you ever need help. Love you._

_Your's truly, Peeta Mellark._

I hold the letter close to my heart. Peeta has touched it. I click back into reality and realize I hear crying coming from inside. Mother first, then wife.

Inside, I hug Haven close to my heart which calms her down almost instantly, I reread the letter to her even though she has no clue what I am saying.

"Your daddy wrote that," I tell her.

That night in bed, I write a letter back to Peeta.

_Dear Peeta,_

_I miss you more than you even know. I can't believe you're over seas while I'm at home, that is never how I imagined my life and raising our first born. Haven is beautiful, don't worry. We really do make cute babies. Everyone says she looks more like you, but there is bare resemblance between Haven and I. She has beautiful blonde hair. I'll make sure to enclose a picture of her in this letter. I can't wait for you to come home. Haven has been growing up way too fast. But she becomes more beautiful each and every day. She sleeps with me every night in our bed, it's easier to feed her that way and plus it's a little less lonely that way. Make sure your solider buddies take good care of you. Mason and Lauren invited me to celebrate Christmas with them and I did, they also offered to watch her anytime I need 'me' time. I really wish I could talk with your parents some, so that she will have grandparents in her life. I love you more than anything, we both do. Stay safe and don't try to be the hero, be smart. I'll see you soon._

_With all of my heart, love Katniss Mellark._

I seal the letter close and put it on my nightstand, promising myself to deliver it in the mail first thing tomorrow morning.

* * *

On February 14, Peeta and Skype for the very first time since he has been deployed.

"Hi," I say, I'm smiling so big, I'm practically crying as well. "I miss you so much."

"I miss you too," He says. I see his shaved head, and the green colored cameo uniform he is wearing and black combat boots.

"I have someone you might want to meet," I say and pick Haven up from her portable crib next to the computer. She's dressed in a pink onesie that has a red heart in the center of it in honor of Valentines Day.

"She looks just like you," He says, I see the tears. I see the men in the background crowded in tents together. They probably all have each other's back, 'I'll look out for you if you look out for me' type thing.

"Really? Everyone says she looks more like you than me," I comment.

"Either way she is perfect."

I laugh. We talk for about another hour of just random stuff, wishing we could be together. Before Peeta introduces me to a few of the men he's become friends with. The bromance is real for soldiers. Before we hang up, he promises to write to me weekly and I promise I'll respond and include a new picture of Haven and updates on her development.

* * *

It's been seven months since Peeta's deployment, in his most recent letter, he says he is not sure when he is able to come home, he hasn't been given a date or anything. I hate to be apart from him like this, he's never even held his own daughter or seen her in person.

He's missing her starting to crawl and stand up by herself. She hasn't walked yet, but she's getting there. It's hard now that she can crawl she is getting into everything, I can't leave her alone for a minute before she gets into something she shouldn't. I want him to be here for her first steps, he's already missed her first word. It wasn't really a word, it was just 'ba' as she was pointing towards a ball.

On an overly warm day in August, Haven and I are in the living room playing, she's starting to be able to take one or two steps before she face plants into the carpet. The first time she did that, she had a cut across her forehead, I ran over to Lauren's house freaking out. She bandaged it up for me. I look out every day at the giant oak tree in the front yard with the yellow ribbon still tightly tied.

A fancy black car catches my eye as it drives down the street, I take my attention away from the street and back onto Haven, "Come here Haven," I encourage her, she lets out a big smile and walks over towards me, after the first two steps without falling, she gains her confidence and quickly walks faster towards me, that's when I hear a knock on the door.

"I wonder who that could be," I say to Haven as I pick her up and balance her on my right hip as I open the door.

When I open the door, I expected to see Lauren. Instead I find a formally dressed guy. He wears a Black suit, something a high official in the military would wear. He has white gloves on his hands and several badges on his right chest area. There's a hat also on his cleanly shaved head.

"Hi," I say confused on why he is here.

There are two more people behind him, all three are dressed in the same uniform, but the two in the background are holding an American Flag.

"I'm so sorry," The one in front of me says, he hands me a white letter, very formal looking.

Confusion in my eyes is still there. I open the letter and what it says, I was not prepared for.

_Mrs. Katniss Mellark,_

_You're loved one, Peeta Mellark, was recently sent on a mission with seventy four other soldiers, there was a surprise attack and a few bombings took place. We are not sure the current location of these soldiers. We will continue to look for him until. We thank you for your service. _

_President Obama and Colonel John Todd _

As soon as I read this, the first wave of tears come freely flowing. The Officer hugs me tight. "I'm so sorry Mrs. Mellark," He says before he salutes me and leaves with the other two officers behind him.

What am I supposed to do now?

**Wow, I actually got chills writing that. Anyway please review (: The gif that I used to describe the officers can be found on Tumblr. Here is the link : **

** search/+marines+death (just remove the spaces) It should be the second gif on the top. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks you guys for all the reviews, they always make my day. This was also edited very, very fast. So I deeply appologize for any errors/grammer mistakes.**

**Sorry for the long wait, I've been on spring break and was very busy and I also so Divergent on Thursday night (opening night) and today. It was amazing (not as amazing as Catching Fire ;) ) it was close to the book, but did leave out some stuff. But if you enjoyed the book, trust me you'll enjoy the movie. And also see it in IMAX, it's amazing. Anyways, you probably dont' care about my Divergent rant, so here is the next chapter. **

* * *

As soon as the Colonels left, I sit on the leather brown couch in our living area. I'm sitting straight up, the shock of news is just now hitting me. What if he really is dead? He can't be dead. I am briefly in another world until I feel Haven use my knee as support for her trying to stand. I look down at her shiny bright blue eyes that resemble Peeta's bright blue eyes, and her blonde hair how it also resembles Peeta's hair. This isn't fair, it isn't fair now that Peeta will never meet his daughter, after all, he has only seen her once and that was over skyping, he has never held her close to his heart. Haven has never heard his heartbeat, she has never felt his muscular, yet gentle arms hold her when she is scared or to provide her comfort while crying.

I pick Haven up gently and place her on my lap, I cradle her as if I am protecting her from every harm in the world.

About a hour after the Colonels left, I hear the door bell ring, in hopes that somehow there was a mix up, that Peeta isn't dead, Peeta is in fact all right and there was a mix up on the dog tags. This type of pain, not knowing on weather or not your husband is dead or alive, is a pain I would never wish anyone, not even my worst enemy. Although that seems highly unlikely, that is the only thought that makes me gather my strength up and open the door.

In front of me, I see Lauren and Mason. I see sympathy and sorrow filled in Lauren's eyes, knowing how I feel, as she once went through a very similar experience with Mason when he was in the Army. Mason has nothing but respect in his eyes, for me sacrificing but also Haven sacrificing.

Lauren does not say much, she doesn't have to. She pulls me into a hug, hugging me so tight I am sure all of the air will be suffocated out of me.

After she releases, she still holds on to my shoulders, "I'm so sorry," She says, now crying.

I nod my head, Mason then pulls me into a tight hug. Being in his arms remind me of being in Peeta's. Both offer some sort of security and reassurance along with hope and ease. He lets me go.

"We both saw the Colonel show up at your house, we thought that maybe you got the news that Peeta would come home," Lauren looks over at Mason, "But when we saw you break down, we knew. We are so sorry, and you know we will always support you and be here for you. We know that you don't have much of a family for support, so we are willing to be that support for you," I hug Lauren and Mason both, being wrapped in both of their arms brings a strange sense of comfort, but it is always welcomed.

"I just can't believe that Haven might not ever meet her father. She's only seen him once, and that was over skype," I'm basically sobbing. I am actually pretty surprised when Lauren and Mason can understand what I am saying, I am practically mumbling. All they do is open their arms to me and offer me a crying shoulder.

* * *

It has been a week since I found out about Peeta's possible death, the nights have been impossible, insomnia not allowing me to sleep only a little and sometimes non at all. I stare at Haven's face a lot, watching her nose sometimes scrunch up maybe from smelling something funny or watching her move a little bit when she is probably having a dream. I wonder what is going on through her little mind.

Since, Peeta listed me and me only to contact if something should happen to him, his family doesn't have a clue what has happened to him. I doubt they even know he is deployed. Deep down, I feel like his parents and brothers deserve to know what possibly has happened. I debate this mentally all week, figuring out the pros and cons of this. Maybe, if I bring Haven along with me, maybe his parents, especially his mom, wouldn't be so hateful towards me. I'm not actually 100% sure that his parents even know Haven exist, my mother doesn't. Maybe it is better that our parents don't know she exists.

I decide against it, eight days after the Colonel broke the news to me, I find myself recalling the route to his family's bakery. I has been years since I have driven to the bakery, but yet I can easily remember it, knowing Peeta and I spent a lot of time here when we were dating in high school. Haven is in the back seat, I wonder what her facial expressions are right now, since her car seat is turned around for her safety, I wish I could look back in the mirror and see her face.

It takes about forty minutes to arrive at the Mellark Bakery, I see many customers arrive and leave the bakery. Almost everyone leaves with a smile on their face, I only hope that this will be the case for me as well. But my hopes for that is very low.

I take a deep breath before I put the car in park and a few more deep breaths to even open the car door and unbuckle Haven from her car seat. I keep her close to me, my hand placed on the back of her head, she is getting bigger now and a little harder now to carry, but I make sure to securely hold her. I keep my head down to make sure one of the Mellarks doesn't realize that it is me.

The bakery hasn't changed much since the last time I saw it. It still has the sign 'Mellark Bakery', the buildings is still solid brick and the cement is well pressure washed. The overall appearance is still very welcoming, even if Mrs. Mellark isn't always the most welcoming at times.

I push the glass front door open and the bell sounds signalling that I have opened the door. I take a quick glance up and see that Rye, the middle child is running the cash register. "Welcome to Mellark Bakery..." His voice dazes off once he realizes who has entered the bakery.

"Katniss?" He asks, still not completely registering my identity, it has been years since he last saw me.

"Yeah, yeah it's me."

He is dazed, I can't remember the last time I have seen him. He walks over to me from behind the counter and hugs me the best I can considering I have a toddler in my arms.

"Who is this?" He asks, he seems confused, on who this baby belongs to. "Is it Peeta's baby?" He asks. Once he mentions 'Peeta', I break down in tears. Haven moves her head from me back to her uncle and back to me.

"Yeah, it's his baby." I try wiping my tears, trying to make me seem less weak.

"Then where is he? And why are you here?" He asks, he isn't trying to be mean, at least he doesn't sound like he is trying to be mean.

"He was deported right before his daughter was born," I motion over towards Haven, "I got a letter last week that he and his squad were sent for a mission but they were lost, their whereabouts aren't known." I'm crying all over again. Rye motions for me to follow him to the back of the bakery so I can sit and explain the story. Haven fusses for me to put her down, so I do and she starts to explore this new terrain.

"Why were we not notified?" He asks, I wonder the same thing too. Why Peeta only listed me as the contact. But then again, he rarely got along with his family so it also did make sense.

I shrug, he still stares at me wanting answers, "Because Peeta only listed me as his emergency contact," I say.

He leans back into the chair and runs his calloused hands through his hair.

When I hear footsteps come down the stairs I freeze, I quickly get up from my seat and rush over to Haven who is looking out the window, fascinated and whines when I take her away.

"It's okay, Mom isn't home. It's probably just Dad or Will." Rye comforts. Rye must know that his mom doesn't particularly like me and I can only imagine what will go through the witch of the mind she has when she realizes that she has a granddaughter, and even worse, I am the mother. She always called Peeta a mistake, probably because Peeta was supposed to be a girl. He was her last chance of finally having a girl, so maybe having a granddaughter will make her forget that she hates me.

"Rye, Dad wants to know if you..." Will walks into the room where Rye, Haven and I are sitting. Will and Rye look more like their father, both having his dirty blonde hair and blue green eyes. While Peeta resembles his mother more than both of them, with his sandy blonde hair and blue eyes. You would think maybe Mrs. Mellark would love Peeta more knowing that he looks like her, instead she thinks he is an even more of a disgrace, inheriting her genes that he is unworthy of. But underneath the skin, Peeta is exactly like his father, one of the most caring people in the whole world, who would do anything for you.

"Katniss?" He asks, also very stunned to see me.

"Yeah, it's me," I say.

Haven runs over to him, Will automatically picks Haven up effortlessly and holds her like Peeta would have if he was around. "Who is this?" He asks, he is mesmerized by Haven, he probably realizes that Haven looks like his younger brother, or maybe even look like I do according to Peeta.

"It's your niece. Haven Faith Mellark," I say through the tears.

I explain to Will and again to Rye on why I am here, by the time I am done with the story again, they are both hugging and kissing the top of my head. All three of us are crying, Haven has no idea why and who these two men are and why I am crying with them. Maybe it is better she doesn't know why, even though she is really young and wouldn't understand.

"We are so sorry Katniss," Rye says, his eyes are bloodshot red and his cheeks are as red as strawberries. "We will always be here for you,"

"But the hardest part is, they haven't found his body. What if he is dead, but they never find his body." I repeat over and over again through the tears in my eyes. I hug Haven closer to my chest. Rye and Will hug me closer trying to uplift my spirits.

His mom and dad walk in on us in the living room. His mother's wicked face is still the same look from the last time I saw her. And his dad's face is still the kind and gentle face from the last time I saw him.

"What is that Trash doing here?" She snaps. I don't have to look up to know that he is talking to me. I don't have the strength to confront her and defend myself. "I want her out of my house this instant," She demands, once again taking control of a situation where she has none.

When I don't move a muscle, she snaps again, this time threatening me.

"Rye, why the hell are you holding that baby?" She says in a tone sounding so murderous.

"It's your granddaughter," He mumbles, Haven looks around confused at what is going on. This is probably her first time at hearing a raised voice, I don't think I have ever yelled at her.

"My what?" Her teeth are clenched at the anger she feels right now.

"Peeta and Katniss had a baby."

"Then where the hell is Peeta? I don't want this Trash around here making statements that Peeta is a father. We have a reputation to protect."

Neither Rye, Will or I answer her. Peeta is dead, or at least more than likely dead. If they haven't found him by now, he is dead. But I can't accept the truth, I can't let it sink in.

"Peeta is overseas, he was deployed before I gave birth," I speak up, "I got a letter from the Army last week about Peeta. He and his squad were sent on a mission, their whereabouts are unknown." Each time I tell this story, I become sadder and sadder each time, the tears roll down my face harder and harder.

Mr. Mellark shows sympathy, but Mrs. Mellark doesn't let her scowl go. "I still want a DNA test to prove Peeta is the father." She demands, she places her two hands on her temples where they are small gray strands of hair starting to grow, "He is such a disgrace to his family. I don't want to even know what people will think. Child before Wed." She rumbles on and on what her social status will be now, she fails to show grief about her son who could be dead or in very critical condition.

"We are already married," I say standing my ground.

The look on Mrs. Mellark's face is a look I will never forget anytime soon.

But before she could open her mouth and blurt something else offending, Mr. Mellark cuts her off, "Katniss, why don't you stay for lunch," He offers, "We can close the bakery for the rest of the day, I'm sure everyone in town will understand. We can also get to know our little granddaughter." He smiles at me, trying to make me feel welcomed, something his wife failed to do.

Mr. Mellark makes us all lunch, BLT sandwiches with baked Cheetos. I also have to breastfeed Haven during the meal, which became a little awkward until Will handed my a towel for my upper half. I smile up at him and silently thank him.

Mr. Mellark, Will, and Rye keep the conversation going. They even talk to Haven some after she is done eating. She doesn't know many words, or how to pronunciate words, but she does respond in her baby talk.

I spend the rest of the afternoon at the bakery, spending time with Peeta's side of the family, something I have never done before. All the men are cooing over Haven, which she loves. Suddenly she has three new playmates. Mrs. Mellark keeps her distance, doesn't say anything to me or about Haven at all.

After, I promise to keep in touch with them and give them updates on Haven and if I hear anything about Peeta.

That night in bed, I look over at Haven and smile, knowing that at least she has some family in her life.

* * *

At around breakfast the next morning, I see the same car and Colonel that delivered the news about Peeta, my breathing stops when I see him walking up the steps to our house.

I open the door before he has the chance to ring the doorbell, I leave Haven in her playpen that is downstairs, he hands me the same type of official looking letter, "Once again, I'm so sorry Mrs. Mellark," He says and waits for me to open the letter.

I take a deep breath, then another one, and a third for good luck before I slowly start to open it.

* * *

**Please review, and once again, I highly recomend to see Divergent, and also read the books, they were so addicting. And incase anyone cared, here's a countdown until the release date of Mockingjay Part 1: 7 Months, 28 days, 2 hours and 35 minutes. **


	4. Chapter 4

**So I'm in the middle of like the saddest book ever. I can't stop crying. It's like sadder than Allegiant/Mockingjay/The Fault in Our Stars combinded and if you read those books, you know how heartbreaking those are. Anyways, here's the next chapter (: Oh and this was edited quickly, I mean very quickly. So I'm very sorry if they are any mistakes. I just wanted to get a chapter up. **

I feel as if my hands are shaking so much, it's as if an earthquake is shaking the grounds. A single wave of every single of emotion flushes through my body. Hope that Peeta could still be alive and well, or even the pit forming deep in my stomach as if it's almost telling me something isn't wrong, that Peeta must be in grave danger. I'm not sure which emotion to believe right now. Do I go with my gut feeling? Or the feeling that is in my heart? Always go with your heart. Isn't that is what everyone says?

The Colonel is still waiting for me to open the letter. I open it as fast as I can, my hands start to sweat like a person running a marathon on an afternoon.

_Dear Mrs. Mellark, We inform you that Soldier Peeta and his squad were found. However, Mr. Mellark suffered from sever injuries, medics overseas went ahead to preform emergency surgery before transporting him back to the states, he currently is resting at Memorial Hospital. I don't read the rest of the letter, Peeta is alive. Peeta is truly alive. He is breathing fresh oxygen in the United States where he is safe._

My facial expressions must look like I just witnessed a unicorn sighting or something big because of how happy and ecstatic I am at this moment. "We need you to get your daughter and come with me straight to the hospital," The Colonel says.

I just nod, not fully aware of what is happening. I'm not fully processing this situation right now.

I quickly find Haven and dress her in a white frilly dress and a white bow. Haven looks beautiful, even more like Peeta now. I walk back downstairs and out the front door where the Colonel is still waiting for me. He still has his white gloves on, it makes me sick knowing that when someone finds out that their loved one is dead or even possibly missing, this is the person who gives them the letter containing the bad news. Not even someone they know will tell them personally.

I hold Haven close to my chest, she's sucking on her thumb and has her eyes closed. She doesn't know this, but she is about to meet her father, even if he is unconscious. This is the first time that they will be seeing each other face to face. And I cannot be more happy for her.

The car ride over is quiet, there is a driver so it's the Colonel, Haven and I in the back seat. The Colonel has a serious face plastered on his face, looking straight ahead of him. Haven is struggling to keep awake on my lap, every so often I catch her with her eyes drooping shut. The ride to Memorial Hospital from our neighborhood should only be around twenty five to thirty minutes, but with the awkwardness and how I'm mentally freaking out that I'll be able to see Peeta for the first time in almost a year makes the time pass by like watching a boring t.v. show or movie.

The scenery outside looks amazing, not a cloud in the sky. There are families taking walks down town or shopping in boutique stores. There are kids dragging their mom or dad along to hurry so they can order ice cream from the local ice cream shop, all these scenes make my brain jump to the future: a future where there will be Haven, Josh, and I, a healthy and happy family. Doing everyday family stuff. Maybe even times where Peeta and I drop Haven off at her grandparents Bakery and spend time with Peeta's side of the family while Peeta and I enjoy a day out to ourselves.

"Mrs. Mellark?" A voice calls, I look over to my left, turning away from the window view, "Mrs. Mellark, we are here now," He says.

I must have not realized that we have arrived at the hospital, the driver comes around to open my car door. My legs feel like jello, I almost can't make them move. I'm ecstatic to see Peeta, but the condition he may be in drives in even more worry.

"Please follow me," The Colonel says. I nod and follow him.

We walk through the hospital lobby. All three of us receive many stares. I'm sure many people have seen this before, a Colonel leading a wife and possibly a kid where the husband lies on his death bed severely injured and may never recover. The look I get from the receptionist has a bit of forced sympathy, like she has seen this far too many times to even show she cares anymore. We make turns down halls, I know I have found Peeta's room when I see several military officials standing outside his door. They each give me a highly respect salutes. I offer them back a weak smile before I carefully open the door to Peeta's room.

When I open the door there in front of me lies Peeta, he's hooked up to several IV's and heart rate monitors. My heart stops, looking at how weak and vulnerable he is. I am no expert on medical equipment devices, but his heart beats look steady according to the monitor. As if Peeta were sleeping soundly at home, I silently skid across the floors, like a predator sneaking up on it's prey, I walk over to where a couch is next to his bed rest. I don't know what to do, do I cry and tell him everything he has missed and look how beautiful his daughter is? Or am I supposed to be holding his hand silently weeping to myself leaving Haven clueless on what is happening?

"He's a fighter," A deep voice from behind me says. I turn too quickly around at the voice, "I'm Dr. Turner, the Doctor who preformed his surgeries," He introduces.

"I'm Katniss, his wife, and this is our daughter Haven," I introduce in one of my most friendliest tone because this might be the person to thank for Peeta's life. He smiles at me and then tickles Haven's nose.

"He was in pretty bad shape when we got him," Dr. Turner admits pointing towards Peeta's direction, "Overseas they had to remove bullets he had wedged in him and rehydrate him. When we got him, we found he had severe blood poisoning from the lead bullets and also from a stab wound in his leg. The scans for any possible deadly infection in his leg came back mostly negative, but the antibiotic we were giving him wasn't making any of the blood poising symptoms go away or at least get any better, so we thought, in his best interest, it would be best to amputate his leg from his knee downwards,"

Horror comes across my eyes realizing that my husband isn't now just a war veteran, but now also an amputee, and crippled.

"His anesthesia should be wearing off very soon, if you're lucky, he might wake up," Dr. Turner winks and then leaves. I take Haven over to the couch near Peeta, I place her on my lap and she looks over at the 'strange man' sleeping on a bed rest.

"That is your dad over there Haven. He doesn't normally look like that," I tell her, even though she can't understand what I am saying to her, she still acts like she is listening, "You look just like him. And that makes you very, very lucky because he is a pretty attractive guy,"

I laugh at my own comment and let the new awkward silence take over. Throughout the hour, there are several nurses who come in periodically to check on Peeta to make sure he is hydrated or that he isn't low on morphine for when he does wake up. Each one to come in rarely says anything to me, but smiles at Haven, maybe somehow knowing that this is the first time she has even seen her dad. I personally feel sorry for Haven, although when she is older, she won't remember that her dad was overseas and I was the one who mainly raised her. She isn't going to remember the first time she meet her father was when he was in a hospital bed fighting for his life.

I still haven't called Peeta's family to tell them the good news that Peeta is alive, and he is actually in the United States, but he's unconcsious and could die anytime. But shouldn't I call them incase Peeta does die? That they each can give him some last words and pay their respects towards him. No. I think to myself. No I can't, because Peeta won't die. He's a fighter like Dr. Turner says he is. He will pull through this, I know he can.

The very next morning, I call Peeta's family and tell them. All four of them seemed worried from over the phone. Even his mother seems worried. Mr. Mellark says they will be over as soon as they can. I also ask them if they can stop my our house and pack some clothes for Haven and I. I give them the address, the garage code, and where we hide our spare key, I just realize that will be the first time Peeta's brothers and parents have seen our house or even been inside of it.

The night's sleep was horrible, I didn't sleep much, maybe a hour. I made sure Haven got a good night's rest knowing how cranky she can get if she doesn't get her beauty sleep.

"Hey Peeta," I say scooting closer to him, I place a sleeping Haven back on the couch, placing the pillows provided on the edge so she won't fall off. "I know you can't hear me right now, or maybe you can, but please fight through this, I know you can. We know you can. Your daughter is so beautiful. She lights up the world with one of her toothless grins. If you die, your going to miss out all on Haven's firsts, like her first words and steps. Dr. Powell said you're a fighter so lets keep that going. Your parents and brothers are also coming to visit," I inform him, "I visited them and told them the news. They even met Haven, your mother eventually warmed up to her and I think she will really love her."

I continue on talking to Peeta, not just about Haven, but funny memories we share. Like in High School, on a Senior Prank day, how we hung duck tape across all of the halls and the teachers got so mad, but it was so funny. Or how we went swimming in the lake and almost got attacked by an alligator. Or when he took me horseback riding and my horse threw me off of him and I couldn't stop laughing while Peeta was frantic. All these memories make me start to cry even harder, thinking about all these times with Peeta and now suddenly I won't be able to make more memories like that. I noticed Haven has woken up, she rubs her eyes and her short and curly blonde hair is styled going in all different directions.

"Haven, you haven't had your first picture with your dad yet," I mention to her. I pick her up and place her on my lap and bounce her up and down on my right knee. We both get up and I place her on the hospital bed next to Peeta and quickly snap a picture of her and her dad, then a selfie of all three of us. Our first official family pictures. A couple of months late, but better late than never.

_'Better late than never, Haven finally got to meet her father and we got our first family pictures. Peeta is still unconcious, but he is a fighter. But please, keep him in your prayers.'_

I label both of the pictures as I upload them to facebook. I put the phone down and just stare at Peeta.

"Peeta, please wake up," I plead to him as if he is holding a gun to my temple about to pull the trigger.

"Dada," Haven says and points carelssly at Peeta.

"Yes, Dada," I tell her.

She probably doesn't understand what those two actions mean put together. I stare at Peeta for the rest of the day. His family drops off the clothes I requested them too along with a care package. They stay longer than I thought they would have, whispering prayers to him and recalling good times. They offered to take Haven out to dinner with them to give me a break while I keep a hawk's eye on Peeta. I keep telling him old memories of us, back when we first started to date or when we bought our first apartment together and when I first found out I was pregnant and I wanted to surprise him in a cute way but he found the pregnancy test carefully nestled away in my underwear dwar.

"Katniss?" a soft and drowsy voice says.

"Peeta?" He doesn't have time to ask any questions before I hug him tight, I place several kisses all over his face.

"Where's our daughter?" He asks, he's already concerned about her rather than himself like he should be, still nothing has changed, still same old Peeta.

"She's with your brothers and parents," I tell him. I don't notice I'm crying until I notice several water droplets on his bed sheet. "

What happened to Gram and Uriah?" He asks frantically, trying to sit up.

Who's Gram and Uriah? Maybe from his squad? "Peeta, I'm sure they're okay, they rescued you and your squad." I comfort him running my hand through his dirty blonde hair. He hasn't even been awake for five minutes before I've already lied to him. I'm not sure what happened to Gram or Uriah, I don't even know who they are. We're they in his squad? Maybe they didn't survive. I hope they did. I get a text from Rye telling me they're back and they need me to pick up Haven real quick from the reception.

"I'll be right back," I peck Peeta's lips, "And you can officially meet your daughter," I peck his lips again before quickly fast walking out of the room to get Haven. The walk to the lobby takes forever, trying not to get in the way of a doctor but trying not to get lost.

"Thanks for taking her Rye, Peeta's conscious." I tell him.

"She's always welcome with us, you know that right?" He asks and I nod, "We got a call from the hospital, we want you three to have a special moment tonight, we'll be by tomorrow morning to visit again."

I nod and we awkwardly hug before he leaves. I put Haven down on the ground since she's so anxious to walk, she quickly becomes tiered and begs me to pick her up to carry her, I can't resist her request so I pick her up.

"Haven we're going to meet your daddy." I tell her, I'm probably more excited than she is. The anticpation is killing me, it's almost as if I can't get to the room fast enough. Peeta has been waiting for over a year to meet his daughter, even though he's seen her through webcam and from me describing her, he still hasn't met her in person. I find Peeta's room and open the door not bothering knocking, Peeta doesn't notice I'm back in the room, he's busy eating some hospital food and looking through a book.

"Peeta," I say to get his attention, he notices I have Haven in my arms and his blank face turns to a gigantic smile taking up his whole face. His eyes light up and glitter like the way a rising sun hits the water. "Meet your daughter," I walk closer to him and he opens his arms wanting to hold her, I don't resist his silent request. I place her in his arms and he quickly presses her against his chest.

"I can't believe we created this, Katniss," He says still in amazement, "She's so beautiful,"

"She looks just like you," I comment to him.

He thinks about that statement for a few minutes, and then he goes to inspect her face, "No, I think she looks like you more." I laugh at him trying to protest on who our daughter looks like more. "How was taking care of her alone?" He asks his face full of worry, I start to think and before I respond he interrupts, "Don't sugarcoat anything, please."

He knows I'll try and not to make it as bad as it seems, even though these have been very long and hard months, although I would never trade them for anything.

"The last remaining weeks of my pregnancy were the toughest and then labor was the worst. I had midwifes comforting me, when all I wanted was for you to tell me it would be okay. And then during the first few weeks were beyond exaughsting because she wouldn't sleep through the night. But Lauren and Mason helped out a lot. But she sleeps through the night pretty well now."

"I'm sorry I had to leave you," He confesses. "Don't be, please," I look at the clock and it reads 10:40, "How about we both get some sleep?" He nods his head and kiss him good night, I lay down on the couch with Haven already sleeping soundly. I don't realize how tiered I am until I fall asleep. I wake up to a loud beeping noise. I quickly jolt up knowing it's the heart monitor, and the only time those go off is if there is no heartbeat...

**So y'all should leave a review? (:**


	5. Chapter 5

**Heres the next chapter, and for anyone who was wondering, days until Mockingjay Part 1: 7 months, 14 days, 2 hours, 35 minutes **

The beeping noise from one of Peeta's machines doesn't stop beeping. In fact, I'm pretty sure it starts to beep even more frantically. Panic mode takes over my body, I make sure that Haven is still asleep, and luckily for me she is. I return my mind to the beeping, the beeping noise coming from a hospital machine generally means there is no heartbeat and that a doctor has been notified and should be coming quickly. But no one has barged in this tiny hospital room yet trying to save his life and bring him back from the dead in the thirty seconds it's been beeping so I take it upon myself to do so.

Right as I am about to go out the door and find a doctor, one walks in. He seems relatively calm, like nothing is wrong. Like my husband's heart is no longer beating. He must go through these type of situations a lot if he is this calm. It's utterly scary how calm he is in this code red type situation.

"Is he dying?" I ask, the tears still wet on my cheek. The doctor looks confused, like he isn't comprehending what I am saying.

"Oh ma'am you thought he was dying?" The doctor asks. I can tell he is trying to hold in laughter, my gut feeling is telling me that I just made a huge fool out of myself.

I nod my head. This time, the doctor does let out his laugh, "Ma'am, this beeping sound was just alerting us that his morphine was getting low and we need to replace it. The amount of pain he is estimated to be in now, he shouldn't be able to feel it. It might even knock him back out."

A huge weight has just been taken off my shoulders, I feel like I can almost relax now knowing that Peeta is alive.

The doctor changes the the morphine and walks out the door, he's probably about to tell his co-workers what a big idiot I am. I feel slightly humiliated by this whole situation but not as relieved as I am that Peeta is alive. If being a big idiot is what it takes to make sure Peeta is fine, than I am willing to take it over and over again.

I don't fall asleep for the rest of the night, I never checked the time that the beeping noise woke me up. But I assume it was probably around three or four a.m. I keep a watchful eye over Peeta, making sure his chest keeps moving up and down at a steady pace. In case it doesn't keep a regular pattern, I found out where the doctor lounge is and I will be making a prompt visit if anything shall happen. I also keep a watchful eye over Haven as she sleeps very soundly. Reflecting back at when I imagined Peeta coming home and him meeting Haven for the first time, I never ever expected this is where and how they would meet. In a hospital while Peeta is in his hospital bed fighting for his life. But nothing is ever supposed to go as it seems.

Haven wakes up at around six a.m., wanting to be fed. I pull down the top of my shirt and allow her to latch on a drink her filling.

I spend two more days in the hospital with Peeta, Peeta's family comes and visits him and then they take Haven with them for a few hours to give me a little break from taking care of her and Peeta. Even with the situation Peeta is in, he never fails to make me laugh. He tells me all these funny stories that some of his fellow soldiers told him. He also told me about the boot camp he had to go through in order to go over seas, the thought of waking up every morning at the crack of down to run four miles doesn't sound good to me. He told me with detail about the poverty they say over there. How the people who lived in a nearby village were very, very skinny. Some of the soldiers often gave the kids some of the meals to keep them going and not die from starvation.

The times Haven is with us, Peeta can't help but to hold her close and gush over her like I predicted he would do. I can already tell Haven thinks highly of him in her tiny little brain. She smiles with her eyes lighting up. I can't help but to love the relationship they already have with one another. The most precious moment of them so far is when Haven fell asleep on Peeta's chest and Peeta was also sound asleep.

* * *

Peeta's doctor tells us both since he has been stabilized, he will start physical therapy in the hospital to strengthen his leg . It will be done five times a week, Monday through Friday for one to two hours. The doctor recommends that Peeta stays here in the hospital for a few more weeks to make sure his body cooperates with everything being thrown at him, since this therapy will be very physically demanding. As much as I want Peeta home with me, if it's better for him then he'll stay.

Haven and I return home late one night to a dark and empty house. I half expected and hoped that Peeta would return home with us, but at least he's safe. That's all I could hope for. That's more than I could hope for.

Part of me feels bad that Haven isn't spending as much time with Peeta and I and spending more time with her grandparents or Lauren and Mason watch her. I try to attend all of Peeta's physical therapy appointments, it always seems to motivate him more knowing that I am there. And I like showing him my support, so he knows I'll be here for him and not leave. His first few appointments were visibly very rough and challenging for him. He was learning how to re walk with his new prosthetic. I can only imagine how hard that must be now to walk. Afterwards, I stay with him while he showers and eats lunch. Peeta isn't one to openly complain, but he occasionally asks me if I can take off the prosthetic and rub at the nub where his leg cuts off, normally its all scarred, which I can tell he is self conscious about. The color stands as a strawberry red, some skin is even starting to peel. I make sure to rub some cooling lotion on it as well which makes Peeta relax. I always kiss him goodbye then pick Haven up from Peeta's family house or Lauren and Mason's house. That's my routine Monday through Friday. One Saturdays, I still visit Peeta, but this time I always make sure to bring Haven with me. And on Sundays, Peeta's parents and brothers come to eat a mid afternoon meal with Peeta and I in the hospital cafeteria. If I can't have a relationship with my mom, I'm ecstatic that Peeta can have a relationship with his family. He truly deserves it. It should help him with his healing process.

It's a normal Tuesday mid morning, I had already dropped Haven off with Lauren for a few hours while I visit the hospital. Peeta is starting a new stage of his physical therapy. He starts become more tired and frustrated with this therapy because it's becoming more and more challenging. I try to comfort Peeta and tell him he isn't a failure, that he isn't failing at his therapy. Things won't stay this dark forever. That he'll always have me to lean on when he needs it. But it still hurts me to see him feel like he his failing when he isn't.

Unexpectedly Dr. Turner comes in Peeta's new room, a pit forms in my stomach. He only preforms a weekly examination of Peeta to make sure his surgery scars are healing well. He shouldn't be in here until Friday. What if Peeta had a blood disease that they only just now found out about? And now it's too late to save him.

I grab Peeta's hand for support and he immediately squeezes it in response.

"I think that Peeta is well enough to go home after tomorrow's therapy situation," He surprises, he continues to flip through papers that are attached to his wooden clipboard. He doesn't make any eye contact with Peeta and I, in fact he just keeps staring down at his clipboard.

"Really?" I asked stunned, Dr. Turner doesn't do much but nod his head in response. I can't believe what my ears are hearing, I hope I'm processing his words properly. And his words aren't 'Peeta might die', but judging from his tone, I know I heard his words properly.

That night, I make sure that everything at home is in tack, noting can be out of order. I want and need Peeta's homecoming to be perfect, that everything about the house is like he remembered it when he first left. The pictures around the house are of Peeta and I but also of Haven. I make sure the spatulas and cooking stuff is where Peeta likes it and not where I like it. Just simple things like that.

At Peeta's next physical therapy appointment, I make sure Haven comes with me. She doesn't know that today is her father's homecoming. I make sure to dress Haven in a cute outfit that will make Peeta melt over her even more. I dress her in a brown shirt with white caprees with a pink and brown bow on her head.

During his whole appointment, I can tell Peeta is pushing himself extra hard today. Haven keeps her eyes on Peeta the whole time, she even claps for him some, which only makes Peeta try harder and smile back at her. Peeta has always been one to give all his effort, and I hope he knows that soon, one day it will pay off.

We follow his normal routine after he finishes his therapy: showers and then eats lunch. Peeta showers and eats even quicker than he normally does, it is pretty obvious how excited he is to return home. He hasn't been home in almost a full year. Dr. Turner comes in one last time to congratulate him on how far he has come and how he believes he'll be able to do the things he used to soon and if his leg starts to bother him, come back immediately.

I help Peeta gather some of his clothes that I had packed for him along with a few pictures I gave him of us and of Haven. As we check out, Peeta holds a sleeping Haven in his arms, we receive so many smiles from the nurses who work here. I wonder how many soldiers and families they have seen walking out through these doors.

"I can strap her in, right?" Peeta innocently asks. At first, I'm not sure on what he is talking about but then it clicks.

"Of course you can strap her in," I tell him. "She's your daughter, you don't have to ask permission about that." I tell him then quickly peck his lips.

Once all of us in the car, it's the first time all three of us have been in a car together, like a _family. _I smile at that thought, that even though there were several complications, we're all here is a family.

The ride home, Peeta is turned around half the time watching over Haven. Even though since she is under a year old, her car seat faces the seat instead of us, Peeta keeps his eyes trained on her.

When I pull up in the driveway, the yellow ribbon wrapped around the big oak tree in our front yard can finally be taken down. I no longer have a loved one in Iraq, I have one here in the States and home with me.

* * *

At first, it's a little weird having Peeta home. I was so used for just me to get up in the middle of the night to feed Haven or stay up with her when she can't sleep.

That night, I make sure to place Haven in between Peeta and I, I lay down on the bed next to him and he wraps an arm around me while he craddles Haven in his other arm. This is the first time that the three of us have even been together in a bed. I can't help but to let a stupid smile take over my face. Peeta notices and questions me about it.

"What?" He asks, also showing a stupid smile.

"I'm just so happy you're home," He smiles even wider and kisses my temple. We all cuddle for another good hour before I slowly start to fall asleep and Peeta follows.

Life is good, for now. But I know, especially down the road, that things are still going to be challenging.

**Sorry this chapter is so short, but the next one should be a lot longer!**


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm so sorry for the long wait in between chapters. I haven't been doing the best and had no motivation for writing. But heres the next chapter (: **

Over the past few weeks, it was different and also hard adjusting to our new home life. It's weird to have Peeta here around the house and help me care for Haven. It's nice, but different. We haven't been out much as a couple or a family since he's been home., no dinners or small family outings to the local Farmer's Market or anything. At first, I thought it was just because he wanted to be home after how long he has been away and enjoy the little things again. But sometimes, when we would go on little outings that required us to drive to, he wouldn't even want to get in the car because of how small the space was, even though our car was more than enough space for the three of us. Sometimes, Peeta would be zoned out and then when I try and break him out of it, he snaps his head up and his eyes look as if he just visited Hell and came back. He even snaps at me from time to time, something he has never done before. And as soon as he realizes what he's done, he apologizes and practically begs me to forgive him. I forgive him of course, but sometimes I'll excuse myself to escape to the bathroom and start to cry. I can't stand to see him like this. Where he has breakouts them begs me to forgive him. The way his eyes look afterwards is a pain I could never forget and would never wish on anyone, not even my worst enemy.

And it breaks my heart to see him like this. I can't stand to see him like this. It's absolutely heartbreaking to watch and I'm not just saying that because he's my husband and I love him with all of my heart.

At first, I wasn't sure what was causing it. It came on so sudden. I tried to Google his symptoms and match it up with a diagnosis or at least something, but after numerous hours of searching for answers, it got me nowhere, I'm back at square one. I just know he needs help.

I want to try and drop hints that what he is going through isn't normal, or at least if it is, he needs some sort of help controlling it. I want him to know, I'm there for him. Hopefully he already knows that.

One evening, when Peeta and I are on the couch with Haven, I find Haven decided to do her business less than a hour after I changed her.

"You need a diaper change," I tell Haven, she doesn't respond but gurgle her response. It's almost like she knows what she did. I kiss the yellow fuzzes on her head. She does need a diaper change, I can smell it.

"I'll help you," Peeta says who was sitting on the couch with Haven and I. I nod at his request and welcome him to follow us up the stairs where her changing table is.

"Could you get me a diaper?" I ask Peeta as soon as we are upstairs, "They should be right by her crib."

Peeta doesn't say anything but follows my request. _This is a good time to talk to him._ I think to myself. Now or never.

Routinely, I strip Haven of her clothes. I praise the lord that this was only a pee instead of a poop.

We don't say anything until I'm done changing Haven's diaper. I don't know how to bring a subject like this up, _'Hey Peeta, I think you should get some help because you're in a little funk right now. I don't what from but you should definitely see a doctor." _I can't say it like that, but something along those lines.

"Peeta," I nervously say. I struggle not to make eye contact with him. I stare down at his shoes, he has on his Sperrys I bought for him a while ago. I find it easier to avoid his eye contact.

"Katniss. Look up at me, you're making me nervous." He says, concern filled in his voice. He takes one of his hands and lifts my chin up with it.

"You need help," I blurt out. And I immediately regret it once I do. I say it in the worst, most possible horribly way to break bad news to someone. I hate myself for it. I can see the helplessness in his eyes once I say it. Like I crushed his little perfect bubble. "I'm sorry," I mumble.

I glance back up at Peeta and I swear I can see tears in his eyes, he's struggling to keep them in his eyes to act strong.

"I don't need help," He finally spits out after moments of an awkward silence. It's like he knows what I'm going to suggest but he thinks he doesn't need help. Normally I'm the stubborn one in the relationship, I always have been.

_He does need help. Why is he denying this factor. _Why? Doesn't he want to be like normal again. Normal as when we would stay up at night just watching cheesy Disney movies or the nights where we watch a horror movie and I bury my head in his chest because I'm too scared to look at the screen. Doesn't he want help to be able to be there for his daughter all the time and become a full time parent? This is what I want, but what does he want? I look over at Haven still on her back on the changing table. _What a horrible parent I am, leaving my daughter on the changing table unsupervised _I thought.

"Peeta don't get help for me, or even Haven. Get help for yourself," I plead to him. Now we both have tears welling up in our eyes. Mine fall from my cheeks first. "Don't you want to grow old together? Or raise even more cute and adorable babies together? And watch Disney movies together late at night?"

Peeta's tears fall from his eyes. I take the few steps in between us to close the gap. Peeta and I are around the same height, but I wrap my arms around his strong and muscular body. He doesn't respond by wrapping his arms around me, but by burring his head into my neck and cries for several minutes before he pulls away and his breathing evens out. "Please get help," I plead to him one final time, "I'll be with you every step of the way," I wipe the newly fallen tears and kiss on his dry tears.

"Okay," He finally says. I smile into his deep blue eyes. The same deep blue eyes I fell in love with, the same ones I got lost in when we both said 'I Do', and the same ones he passed down to our daughter.

We broke the eye contact when we started to hear Haven get restless on her changing table.

* * *

Only three short days later, Peeta and I were heading to see a therapist. I earlier dropped Haven off with Peeta's family to watch her for the afternoon. Peeta's mother absolutely adores her granddaughter, something I would have never thought was possible until I saw it with my own two eyes. But it is something I'm thankful for since I haven't talked to my mother in forever.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I ask Peeta when I pull into the therapist's building. I feel bad that I practically pushed Peeta to go to therapy and I hate myself for forcing him to do something he doesn't want, but I know that deep down he needs this.

Peeta runs his hands up and down his pants, a sign of nervousness. I open my car door and hop out, I also open Peeta's side and grab his hand to squeeze it in a sense of comfort. His palms are really sweaty, also a sign of his nervousness. He offers up a small smile, one that is almost forced.

"Dr. Abernathy will be with you soon," A receptionist at the front desk of the lobby says. She looks young, maybe an intern. She has carmle medium length hair. She has freckles crossing over her nose.

"Thank you," I say and Peeta and I take a seat next to each other.

It's an awkward silence in the room. The receptionist is busy on her computer taking care of paperwork or whatever she has to get done. Peeta is still tensed in his seat, I put a gentle hand on his upper thigh in attempt to keep make him relax a little.

The lobby/waiting room is very welcoming and offers a very home feeling. The flooring is a dark wood and a neutral gray covering the walls. The waiting room chairs are also a dark wood color with a light blue cushion on them.

"Peeta Mellark," A male's voice calls, Dr. Abernathy.

Peeta and I stand up and almost immediately linking hands. I look up at him and even though he doesn't notice, I smile at him just by convincing him to take this step and push for therapy must only make our relationship better.

Dr. Abernathy sits us down in his office, his office is very neat but also very messy in a way. His shelves are cluttered with clients papers and paperwork. Bookshelves having books scattered throughout. Dr. Abernathy is an elder man maybe in his sixties but he isn't cleanly shaved. In fact, I think he smells a little of alcohol. But somehow, people do say he is the best therapist to see.

"Please take a seat," Dr. Abernathy motions over to his two chairs that replica the ones in the waiting room. Peeta and I take the seats while he takes his seat behind his mahogany colored desk.

"So what seems to bring you two to therapy?" He asks getting a pencil and paper ready to write.

I motion over to Peeta, we are here for him, "I just can't seem to get back to normal," Peeta says with practically no emotion visible in his voice.

"Can't get back to normal from what?" Dr. Abernathy asks.

Peeta doesn't say anything but look strangely back at Dr. Abernathy "You need to elaborate for me to help you," He says in a gentle tone.

Peeta shivers and looks down, I put my hand on his bicep and soothingly rub up and down. Just how broken is Peeta?

"I got back from overseas," Peeta's voice cracks as he says this.

"Oh, I see," Dr. Abernathy sits down his pen and leans back into his chair as if suddenly he magically found out what was wrong with Peeta and magically comes up with his cure and everything will be back to normal within a few days, "Can you tell me what specific events have lead you to come and get help?"

**Peeta's POV**

I think really hard about what Dr. Abernathy was asking me. What specific events lead up to this. It takes all the strength I have to tell this story. I haven't even told this story to Katniss. Maybe this story is left better untold. Maybe it's better if Katniss doesn't hear it that way she doesn't think I'm some sort of murderer, that's the last thing I want her to see me as.

"When I was overseas, my squad and I were sent on a mission," I start. Subconsciously, I rub my sweaty hands up and down my blue jean shorts. "I never thought anything of it really, it was normal for my squad and I to be sent to a mission one morning and then return that evening. Maybe I should have learnt to notice the hints we were given." I suddenly can't go on. After several moments of silence of anticipation for me to continue, Dr. Abernathy chimes in.

"What hints should you have realized?" He asks picking up his pen once again to write notes.

_"LINE UP MEN." Our Colonel's voice echos the large tent we are given to live in, the tent is house like. The only difference is is there is no hard roof, it's just a tent. Practically no one is up this early and even those who are up are still half asleep. "Squad Two, you have patrol duty today and Squad Three we need extra support on the outside fences, we think there might be some enemies looking to attack today. You will be provided a chain of cars to travel in since the walk is a lot farther than we had intended it to be. You have thirty minutes to get dressed and to have eaten breakfast before you are off to your duties."_

_Everyone acknowledges the Colonel and obeys his orders despite how not any one of us wants to go out there. _

_"I can't believe they want us to back each up the troops already out there," My squad mate and best friend Alex says as we're changing before getting breakfast. Alex is only a few years older than me, but he has triplets three months old before he was deported, two boys, Nicholas and Payton, and one girl named Madison. I can only imagine how hard it must be on his wife taking care of not one or two babies, but three. I'm sure one baby is driving Katniss mad but I could never imagine her raising three. But at least he was there with her for the birth unlike me where I missed the birth. _

_"I know, why wouldn't they want the more experienced ones?" I ask as I through on my bullet proof vest, something that has proven to come in handy multiple times, not on me but for several other squad mates. _

_"Beats me, but all I know is I want my returning home date soon. I've been here for almost a year and I'm ready to see my children again. From what my wife has said is that the boys act like I do and look like I do, while Madison does her own little thing."_

_"I know what you mean, I can't wait to meet my daughter. I've only seen her once over skype, but she looks like my wife I think," I make my final preparations on my combat boots and make my final checks to make sure I haven't forgotten any vital piece of uniform. The difference between forgetting to put on a piece of uniform and the actual uniform could mean life or death. _

_The ride over to where we are needed. I sit next to Alex, like normal. I look out the window and see run down homes or just nothing into the distance. The men in the car are cracking jokes and trying to keep the mood light. This was only seconds before my life would change in the blink of an eye. _

_I don't realize what is happening until the thick black smoke is engulfing my lungs and defecting my oxygen. It takes me a moment to realize that the car is upside down. _

_My first thought was to panic, but after suddenly remembering the trick to find which way was north, I tested it out. I spit. The spit comes back in my face, that is the way gravity is. I manover through a now empty car, wondering where everyone was at. _

_Once I am out of the car and able to breath a fresh breath of oxygen I'm relieved. And to my surprise most of the crew was there. Already out of the car. Alex is the first one to spot me. "Thank God you're okay," He says and brings me in for a manly hug.  
_

_"What happened?" I ask confused on how one moment we are cracking jokes and having a good time to this. _

_"We're not sure. No one is, the car just flipped. But we have to keep walking to provide the support. Apparently they really need it out there. I've heard we're about three miles out from the destination so we should be there in thirty minutes or so. _

_I nod. Alex and I, plus everyone from the car and all of our other squad members who stopped and helped us start on the three mile trek to the destination. _

_No one really says anything. I keep my hand around my dog tag knowing how close of a call that just was. A close call with my life. The metal of the dog tag is cool, I've memorized what it says, my name and contact information in case the worst shall happen. _

_In the distance we all see what appears to be our destination. Everyone becomes all smiles, until the guns start to fire._

_"_The guns" I say, "I should have realized the hints about the gun shots." I look down at my thumbs. I feel like the room is a hundred degrees, it's burning up in here. "It's all my fault they're dead," I cry out.

I feel Katniss now grasp onto a hand. She's trying to grab me and comfort me.

"What's your fault Mr. Mellark?" Dr. Abernathy asks peaking up from writing.

_I drop to the ground, we all do. Although some of those who drop to the ground permanently stay there. _

_"What do we do?" A frantic voice calls out. These soldiers are out here all alone without any colonels or guidance, it's just us fighting for not only out country, but for our lives. _

_"Run?" A voice calls out in response, it sounds more like a question than a demand, but it seems to fit because that is what everyone does is run. We run, but the shots keep firing. I find out Alex is right next to me, we're keeping each other going. Not just for ourselves but for our little families that need us in the long run. The run seems like miles long, like this will never stop. It finally feels like it's all over, we haven't heard gunshots for a while or any voices besides our heavy breathing. One by one, we all just stop running. Some of us lie on the ground to catch our breath, or hands about our heads (like we were taught) or doubled over hands on our knees. Which ever way I try, I can't seem to breath in enough air to fulfill the load my lungs are demanding right now._

_In the near distance I spot several soldiers who by the looks of it have the same uniform as we do. I don't mention it aloud to anyone since they look like us. It's probably just our backup to help us out here after the surprise attack from the gun shooting. _

_"You good?" I ask Alex when I notice him bending over trying to catch his breath. I don't tell him that that position only makes it harder for him to breathe. _

_"I'll live." He says, "How about you, how you feeling?" _

_"As good as I'll ever be," Those are the last words I'll ever say to him before I'm thrown into air and black takes over. _

_I wake about a few hours later, I try to crawl over to where I see Alex laying down. But my leg won't move. I actually feel a deep pain within my leg. _

_"Alex," I call out, no response. I narrow my eyes to make them concentrate. Is he breathing? I don't see his chest rising and falling. No, he has to be breathing. He can't die out here. Especially when he has three young babies back home. I somehow manage to crawl over to him, it takes me thirty minutes, but I make it. "Alex, come on wake up," I shake his body. His face is hardly recognizable. In fact, at first, I have to use his dog tags to confirm that it's actually him.  
_

_He's dead. I check his pulse, no pulse. I can't let myself cry. Not now, I can't look weak now. Some of the guys if they see me crying, they'll never let it go. I swallow back the tears and force myself to move onto the next soldier lying down. One by one, I find that most of them are dead. There are a few alive, injured just as bad as me. None of us can walk, so trying to find the survivors is challenging. _

_But the real question is, who set off a bomb? Did the enemy set the bomb off? If so, why aren't they attacking now when all of us are either dead or so weak and vulnerable we're better off dead._

"Most of my squad is dead now because of me." I say, I see Katniss's eyes are dropping tears. I hardly even notice I'm crying until I see a small wet patch on my pants.

"But Peeta, how on earth is that your fault?" Dr. Abernathy asks, I can tell he's getting emotional too. He's been in this therapy business for a while now. He's one of the best no doubts. I wonder how many sob stories he's heard over his career. I wonder how many he has cried alone with a client.

I wonder how Katniss sees me now. As some ax murderer or some mentally insane person.

"I saw the enemy coming. But I thought it was one of us so I never said anyone. If I would have said something, everyone would still be alive. Including Alex. And if Alex was alive, he would be able to watch his triplets grow up. He'd be able to walk Madison down the wedding isle and play football in the front yard with Nicholas and Payton. But because of me, his children will grow up without a dad. Because of me, nearly my whole squad died. We are a brotherhood, I basically killed my whole family."

"Peeta," Dr. Abernathy's voice was gentle and soothing, "I may not have been with you overseas, but I can assure you one thing, this is not your fault. None of this is ever your fault."

I look up at him and see his face is full of sympathy and so is Katniss's face. She shows some emotion I've never seen her show before.

"What you're experiencing is common. It's called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, known as PTSD. It's normal for soldiers coming back from war to experience this or any other traumatic event. I'm going to prescribe you medication to help with all of this too."

I look up at him and see he's emailing a prescription of my new medicine to our local pharmacy. "Your medicine pick up should be ready in a hour. But please, remember to come back next week. Therapy will make it better. Peeta, you should be proud of yourself to seek help."

I nod my head before Katniss and I exit the room.

The receptionist smiles at us when we leave. Katniss smiles back and I try too but I just can't seem too.

"Peeta," Katniss says once we're inside the car. She keeps her hands on the steering wheel, I make sure to have my seat belt on knowing that my seat belt did save my life when our car flipped overseas. "I had no idea what was going on, what was going through your head. I'm so sorry," She says. I see the littler mascara Katniss has on is smeared down her face. Her normal gray colored eyes are almost washed out by how bloodshot they are.

"Katniss you didn't know," I try to comfort her.

She pulls me into a deep hug. She rests her face on my chest listening to my beating heart. "Peeta I should have known somehow. We're a team."

She pulls me into a deep kiss before she puts the car in reverse.

**_This chapter was a little longer, but incase anyone cared: 7 months 1 hour 10 minutes until Mockingjay Part One (: (: _**

**_Oh and does anyone know when the trailer comes out? I doesn't come out at the Summit movie festival. I know there is one at Comic Con in July but I feel like we should get a trailer before then. And also, if you're looking for a dystopian book to read, I recomend Matched by Allie Condie, it's so good and it's also a trilogy (Matched, Crossed, Reached) I'm on the third book. _**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys, I'm so sorry that this isn't a full chapter, just a (more than) six sentence sunday. And anything written is subjected to change :) **

**Oh and just a major shoutout to California Chrome and all of his connections for winning the 140th running of the Kentucky Derby. I only send my best wishes and luck to the horse and all of his connections in hopes that he'll break the 35 year drought to win the Triple Crown. This horse is literally a rags to riches story. If you'd like to have more of a backstory, scroll to the bottom, otherwise here's a snippet. **

**Katniss**

From what I can tell, the medication that Dr. Abernathy has prescribed Peeta has been working to some extent. I am afraid to say it, because I know at any moment that his status might change at the blink of an eye, but Peeta is almost like his old self again. The Peeta that I fell in love with and had a baby with. Not the Peeta who I saw laying helplessly in the hospital ICU. He doesn't snap at Haven or me anymore. Which must mean some sort of improvement. He still sees Dr. Abernathy once to twice a week. Sometimes it is a just Peeta and Dr. Abernathy or sometimes it is even a family session with Haven and I.

There are a few days where the medication doesn't work, or isn't strong enough, but those days are rare. And for today, I hope that he'll be fine since today we are having Haven's first birthday party.

She isn't officially one for another two weeks, but this was the only time that we could get everyone to attend who we wanted. Of course, we invited Peeta's family and Lauren and Mason and their three kids. Of course, we invite some of our other neighbors and make this more of a 'neighborhood gathering' instead of a birthday party.

It's a little chilly, the late November air making the air brisk in the shade but in the sun a little warmer. I dress Haven in a matching hunting outfit I have myself, a brown fake leather jacket and a light colored shirt with khaki pants and combat boots, we almost look like twins when we're dressed the same way. Peeta comments on how we both look and how he can't believe he got so lucky to have us.

I also think back at this time last year, it was around the time that Peeta got deported and I was here all alone and heavily pregnant. I remember the overwhelming sense I got when I was in the middle of giving birth and then soon followed a relief of pain as soon as she was finally on the outside of me. I look at them both and realize just how far we all have come. Even me, for a young, single, mother, I don't think I did half bad raising Haven for several months.

The party is outside in our backyard. For the older kids there is a bounce house and a two story sized slide. Peeta will be grilling out hamburgers and hotdogs. The decorations are beautiful, Peeta and I had picked them out earlier. It's nothing over the top, it's just simple. Some Cinderella princess cups and plates. Whenever I play Cinderella on the t.v., it always seems to capture her attention and is able to hold it for a while.

From the looks of everything, it seems perfect, but little did I know, this is the day where my world turns upside down...

**Basically, two friends bought a mare Love The Chase for roughly $7,000. And if you don't follow thoroughbred horse racing, that is practically a giveaway. People told the partnership they'd be dumb asses if they bought that mare. (Their stable is named Dumb Ass Partners) ****She wasn't a very good racer herself and she was bred to Lucky Pulpit for a stud fee of $2,500. Love the Chase's first foal was California Chrome. He proved to be a sturdy Kentucky Derby contender in his early three year old season by dominating the San Felipe stakes and the Santa Anita Derby. His owners turned down an offer for someone to buy 51% of the horse for $6 million, his owners went on to say 'You can't put a price on a dream,' He went on to win the derby as the 2-1 morning line favorite. Hopefully, he'll race in the Preakness Stakes (the second jewel in the Triple Crown) and then the Belmont, which is where most of the potential TC winners fail because of the longer distance of a 1 1/2. Although California Chrome's pedigree isn't the best and makes the odds against him in the Preakness and the Belmont, he goes to prove that he could beat all the other horses with the best of the best pedigrees. There hasn't been a Triple Crown race winner since 1979 when Affirmed won it. (Seattle Slew and Secretariat both won their Triple Crown's in the 70's) Oh and if you want to know more about horse racing, please message me or ask me in a review because I love talking about horse racing. **


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